Drowling?

Can't say anymore than this. :-)

Memories

One year ago today life changed drastically.  This is the one year anniversary of the phone call that signaled the change to life as we knew it.  One year ago today, a NY good neighbor called to say that Mom Donovan had collapsed on the kitchen floor.  Ten months later, September 27, she passed away.  I'm not going to spend the next moments commiserating over this loss.  I've done that.  What I want to point to is the "celebration" or "remembrances" of calamitous events.  On September 11, 2009, we were still recalling the horrific events of that date in 2001.  We do this all the time.  Happy occasions, sad occasions, horrific occasions (where were you when Jack Kennedy was killed), and joyous occasions (Do you remember when Reagan said, "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall" and it happened?).  We mark our lives by these moments.  "Ten years ago today, - - - -  happened."  I guess we do that because, ... we're all just a little ...
...
... weird! ;-)

"Walk this way!"

Have you ever noticed how people walk? Just sit down in a mall sometime and watch the crowd walk around you. It's really quite entertaining.  I thoroughly enjoy this past time.  I walked into an office building the other day behind a fairly attractive lady.  Pretty face, well kept person, and yet she walked like a duck, feet splayed out at almost a 45 degree angle.  Some people walk like camels, bobbing up and down as they walk.  Others walk as though they are carrying a brim-full glass of water, barely moving and yet getting where they need to go at a brisk pace.  Others slouch while they walk and still others are so straight they make the military look like slouches.  You oughta try this sometime.  Go to a mall and sit on one of those "old-man" benches.  Sit back and watch - then, be prepared to be amused.  No, you probably won't laugh outloud, but you will most certainly snicker a little.  Then, remember two things: first, I told you so; second, aren't we all just a little weird?

Other Worldly?

Here is evidence from a modern thinker that I believe sums this up precisely. We have scriptural evidence and thought regarding the "other worldliness" of Christians, but C. S. Lewis sums this up quite nicely in Mere Christianity. "If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were precisely those who thought most of the next. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this." (p. 134) Yep, that's weird. Except, after you've been through what we have just gone through, you might be more apt to agree. Mom Donovan being on the other side makes that side just that much more real. I know, some might say that thinking this way is just a crutch to prop ones self up after a loved one's death. Perhaps that is the case. On the other hand, I believe this to be the case - that there is another side and that we must prepare now to inhabit it then. Hence, the weirdness. Then again, what if my faith is right and your doubt is wrong? What if there truly is a Heaven to gain and a Hell to shun? I will be fit (by faith in the shed blood of Jesus Christ and by His very Word) for Heaven and you, should you choose to doubt, will be fit for Hell. Hmmm? Which is better? A good, Godly life now, a life lived to help others, or an evil life now, a life lived selfishly? I believe I prefer the better side. I also cast my lot with Heaven. Weird? Yep! But it sure makes this life a lot more tolerable.

the political process

Please note the title - everything is in lower case. That's what I think of the whole process. But, here's another thought. I'm a fairly staunch Republican. As much as I hate to admit it, almost every time I go into the booth, I vote nearly 100% Republican. It's not that I'm a single lever Republican. I look at every choice and choose the one I think is best. I don't want someone in who doesn't agree with me or whom I don't agree with, either way.

But, here's the gotcha - I've grown up the same way most staunch Democrats have. I grew up in a home that was conservative. We have strong beliefs regarding the way the country should go and so, consequently, believe we're absolutely correct. We pray that way. Yep, we pray that God will put our guy in office. But, God is neither Republican, Democrat, or even an independent. Yes, He is concerned about what is right. But, the question I'm left with is, are we (Republican or Democrat) more "right" than the other group? Hmmmmm? See, we're all weird that way. We believe God chooses sides. Therefore, our prayers will make him put the right person in office.

See what I mean? We're weird; yep, that includes you and me. We're all weird. While I've heard some fairly poorly presented arguments on the opposite side of the aisle, I can tell you, as much as I would hope the inverse is true, this is not always the case. Sometimes I want to renounce all ties with "my party". Actually, recently, I have about convinced myself to be independent. The only thing that keeps me linked to the Republican party is that I can have a vote if I am within. If I step out of it, I am no longer able to let my little voice be heard in the political process, in the primaries at least. So, for now, I remain ... weirdly Republican.

Wesley's concern

Ya know, if I were the father of some great sect, some great uprising that had or was spreading like wildfire, I might be tempted to be concerned about the life of such a group. But, John Wesley, one of the founders of Methodism, was not. Here's what he said: “I am not afraid that the people called Methodists should ever cease to exist either in Europe or America. But I am afraid lest they should only exist as a dead sect, having the form of religion without the power. And this undoubtedly will be the case unless they hold fast both the doctrine, spirit, and discipline with which they first set out.” (Mag. 1787, page 100)

Seriously, folks, there are two types of weirdness here. First, Wesley's concern about the dead religion. He sees that it is alive "right now", then in that time. Why would he raise the concern that it might become a dead sect. Second, that folks who had known such great passion and compassion would become dead. Sad, so sad. I wonder what Wesley would say about those folks who name themselves Methodist either in actual title or in beliefs?

People Are Fun!!!

I took a call from one of my dear friends yesterday, one of our adjuncts at the seminary where I work. She will call from time to time with some rather funny story of a student's escapades. This one, I believe, illustrates perfectly the mental status of some of our students. Plenty of intelligence; very little common sense.

We are in the seventh week of a thirteen week semester. So, over half way done. A student calls the prof all shook up because he couldn't find the article that was needed for the collaborative report due real soon. The conversation went something like this:

Student: "Hey Prof, I can't find the article that we have to write about on this next assignment."
Prof: "Uh, , that title is one of our textbooks for this semester. You should have that by now."
Student: "What!? You mean we have textbooks for this course???"
Prof: "Yes. I suggest you go back and read the syllabus."
Student: "I guess I better do that so I can get my textbooks in time."

Gotta say, people are just plain funny and ... yep, weird!!! :-)

Why, Why, Why,

This is not mine and I wish I had written this. However, truth is truth and people are weird. Yes, including you. ;-)

• Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?
  
• Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?
• Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
  
• Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
  
• Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
  
• If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
  
• Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
  
• Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
  
• Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
  
• Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with the vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
  
• Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
  
• How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
  
• When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'
  
• Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
  
• In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
  
• How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
  

And my FAVORITE.......

• The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Update on Mom Donovan

I have been wanting to write this update but never quite feel like it. Even now I'm forcing myself to write this. This is where I'm keeping with the theme of this blog - weird people, me being chief among all. Why write? Because I'm weird, I guess. :-)

Let me try to chronicle in short outline form where we've been and where we are.
November 2008 - Mom collapses on kitchen floor, apparently had a seizure. Rushed to hospital where she was diagnosed with breast cancer with brain metastases. Immediately received whole head radiation that was to kill all cancer in the brain. HOWEVER, because it had metastasized it was guaranteed to come back. Myrna was called by neighbor, Mr. Kohut, to explain about the fall. Myrna called brother, Francis, who lives near Geneva, NY. Francis and Phyllis immediately dropped what they were doing to go be with Mom and Dad for a few days. We left in a day or two and headed up to NY to do whatever we could. Had Thanksgiving there with the folks and little brother Kevin and his family from MI.

December 2008 - Myrna and her parents travel back to KY where we hoped for a few months of recovery, ostensibly through the winter. Then, we would move them down here. That was the plan, anyway.

January 2009 - Two momentus events. First, we rushed Mom to St. Joe Emergency in Jessamine County because she was having some difficulty breathing. They, in turn, admitted her to St. Joe Medical Ctr. East for a pulmonary embolism (a major blood clot in the left lung and also a small one in the right leg.) Simple surgery to insert a small screen to keep the blood clot in the leg from hitting farther "north". Treat pulmonary embolism with coumadin. Second, major ice storm that forced us out of the house into the Asbury Inn for five days or so. Pretty tough to live, four people in one room for five days. Bleah! We survived, though.

February-March 2009 - Recovery for Mom and started making plans to let them go home for the summer and then we'd move them down. Honestly, I felt a little hesitant about this but wanted it so bad that I ignored the hesitation to push forward. Also, waiting to let all the radiation do it's job through these months - 12 weeks from the last date to see if the radiation had worked back in December.

March 2009 - I'm not sure of the exact date, but Mom had a seizure sometime toward the end of this month. Ambulance, ER, Central Baptist Hospital. Diagnosis: Brain shift, edema, concern over cancer in brain. Had been on steroids in January but were trying to ween off. With this diagnosis, steroids were the treatment to reduce swelling and edema. An immediate improvement. Woohoo, on the road to recovery. (Duh, what were we thinking? Where did the swelling come from?)

April 2009 - Started noticing Mom's symptoms were back. Trying to eat with the back side of the spoon, a little confusion, couldn't hold the fork, speech sometimes a little messy. Then, a major seizure in which she could not talk, lost complete control of her limbs for some time. Another ride to ER at Central Baptist. Neurosurgeon's diagnosis: More brain cancer. Later, that was changed. It appears that the initial whole head radiation actually killed any cancer in her brain 1cm or less. There were three spots. Two were less than a centimeter and one was just a little larger. This larger one was dead in the center but the outer edges were not and so continued to grow. Now, it is 3 centimeters in size, or approximately one inch in diameter. Prescribed Cyberknife to get rid of this last lesion. Keep on steroids. Surely, the Cyberknife will work, right?

May 2009 - Cyberknife. Now, just wait. Wait to see if this last lesion succumbs to the powerful, spot-light radiation. Surely, this will work. It just has to. We were actually feeling quite positive by this time. Yep, it's going to work. Went to NY to check the house, look at a realtor, clean the place up a bit, go through some stuff. Great trip. No real setbacks. Good time.

June 2009 - Interesting. Some of those weird symptoms are back. Eating with the backside of the spoon. Difficulty holding on to eating utensils. Speech a little messed up sometimes. On the other hand, generally positive outlook. Still waiting for the visit to the neurosurgeon to see if the Cyberknife worked. That happens in July.

July 2009 - Several significant happenings. July 4 weekend, took folks up to Madison, IN, to meet Mom's sister for lunch and a visit. Good trip. Everyone upbeat. Mom walked under her own power; ate fairly well, but with a little difficulty. Ran into an old, dear friend there from my college days, Mr. Archie Coons.

Somewhere around a week or two later, the dreaded and anticipated visit to the Neurosurgeon where an MRI would show where she stands, as far as the cancer is concerned. We all sat in the doctor's consulting room while he quickly examined the results of the MRI. Quick clicks on the computer...comparison to the previous (before Cyberknife) MRI - diagnosis: no significant difference. If anything, the lesion has grown and started eating at her motor skills spot.

Mom continues to slowly deteriorate, not badly, but enough that we're concerned. Plans to go to NY the end of the month to start packing. Son, Kevin, and his family were to meet us there where we would all work on packing. I would take Dad back in a few weeks and pack a truck and move them into Wesley Village, retirement community with staged care moving from independence to assisted living to full nursing home care. (BTW, great place. Wished it could have worked out.) Before we could go, Mom had a series of very bad days. Couldn't ride in a car for more than a few hours without completely wearing out. Cancel the trip. Kevin, LouAnn, and the kids went. Elaine left a campmeeting (Clinton, PA) to go help pack. Francis (eldest son) came from Geneva, NY, on Thursday to help sort and pack as well. I went to Boston, to a conference for the last week of July. Mom seemed somewhat stable. Using a walker full time now, but seemed to take to it quite well. Really stabilized her.

August 2009 - Things are beginning to happen quickly now. Mom is now needing help into the bathroom but seems to have days and times when this is unnecessary. Visit to the oncologist revealed that the cancer was not going away. "Just go home and enjoy what life you have left." No surgery; no more radiation; just be comfortable. Good thing here was that the oncologist prescribed Hospice. Great blessing. They supply roller walkers with seats and all meds related to cancer will come through them; they pay. Also, we had purchased a baby monitor the first of August so Myrna could make sure Mom made it to the bathroom okay. Fear of falling on tile, bleeding, with coumadin, could bleed out. Between 2 and 3 times a night Myrna was up and helping Mom. Mom was quite restless. Sometimes sitting on the edge of the bed for hours. Neurologist says that seizures can be caused by lack sleep. So, we would also check to see that she was laying down and if not persuade her to lay down. Despite this, Mom had a great week the first week of August.

I rented a car from KY and met Kevin and Benjamin (grandson) in NY to pack the Penske truck. Loaded it on Monday, August 10. Left NY with the totality of Mom and Dad Donovan's lives in a 26' Penske truck on Tuesday. (Thanks to Clyde and Tim Dendler for their help on Monday for a couple of hours. Came right when we needed them.) Arrived home around 9:30pm Tuesday evening. Hugs and kisses, weeping, shock that all of their stuff (or most of it) was now in KY and they could no longer go home to NY. That chapter, that 50 year chapter, was now closed. What's next?

We were up at 12 am, 2 am. Mom beat Myrna to the bathroom. 4 am, Mom hollers for Myrna to help her. She can't get out of bed. Can't stand up. Right arm completely useless and limp. I thought, we've seen this before. Perhaps she's slept funny on her arm and it just needs to wake up. No, that's not the case. It's gone. Completely. She can't use her right leg either except to straighten herself out. From 2am to 4am, life changes drastically on Wednesday, August 12. I'm a little fuzzy right here. Can't remember if we had medical help or if we just noted it to the Hospice nurse the next time we saw her. Anyway, for the next few weeks we are able to help her out of bed, onto one of those rolling walker's with the seats. Hospice delivers an electric chair and a lift chair so she can have some mobility and be able to help us switch her from one chair to the next. Kevin and family come down that weekend. Her speech is not always good. Mind still pretty sharp, but everything else is failing slowly.

August 22, Myrna and I had gone to Walmart for groceries. When we got home, Mom was complaining of some major pain in her ankle. Felt like a cramp that just wouldn't go away. In a matter of hours, a very small spot developed into a rather large, red area on her ankle. Called Hospice nurse who arrived sometime around midnight, Sunday morning. Hospice pharmacy delivered some prescriptions after 2am. (Can you believe that; after 2am delivering meds? What a great ministry and help!) Some sort of infection was ripping into Mom's right leg.

Sunday morning and afternoon, although she was in pain, it wasn't too significant and able to be controlled by a low grade pain medicine. However, late afternoon and early evening, the area had continued to grow. Called Hospice nurse again. While she was on her way, Myrna took Mom to the restroom. On the way out, Myrna called me to look at another small spot (about the size of a nickel or dime) on Mom's thigh. Within a couple of hours, that small spot grew to the size of a baseball with an area wrapping around the thigh. Nurse felt like a hospital could better care for this. So, ambulance, ER at Central Baptist, this time admitted to a hospital room. Diagnosis: cellulitis. (Looked just like this picture) While in the hospital, a mass was discovered in Mom's lungs. Either a tumor or pneumonia. Treating for pneumonia. Mom was discharged on Saturday and brought home via ambulance on Saturday. Aunt Elaine here for a visit. Hour long call with sons, wives, Dad, Elaine, and Myrna and I to inform all of what was and is happening. Guidance and advice about next steps.

Folks, it appears Mom is not much longer for this world. I am happy to tell you she is more than ready for the next. She wants to go. Asks why God is making her stay here and go through this. I don't have an answer, but I'm glad to tell you that when she gets to Heaven she will have legs that work, arms that work, tongue and lips that work in sequence with a very healthy brain. That transition hasn't happened yet. We just know it is going to happen. When? Hospital doc said 2 weeks to 3 months. Doubtful of the three months. In my opinion, I agree. In the end, it doesn't really matter when. What matters is that she "has her bus ticket in hand" and ready for the trip. Would you pray for her? I honestly don't know how to tell you to pray. The Apostle Paul said, "For to me, to live is Christ, but to die is gain." I know that Mom doesn't want to continue to deteriorate. So, if that is the option, deteriorate or die, she wants the latter. Hospice says to keep her comfortable. We're praying for that. God help us as we continue on this journey that we didn't ask for, don't want to do it again, but are very happy to have made it thus far.

Courage - Encouragement

Folks,

Over the past few months, I have found myself fairly low emotionally. Believe it or not, I even broke down in tears once. That's odd for me. (See, not leaving the theme of this blog. ;-) ) I discovered YouTube. Yes, I know it has some pretty vile stuff on it. However, I found a specific video that has continued to be a great source of encouragement. I hope you enjoy it as well. Just click on the video, sit back, and let the Spirit minister to you through this.

Weird people with a weird view?

I know Christians have been blamed for a lot of stuff. I've seen it. Sometimes, I might even agree that a lot has been done in the name of Christianity that I'm sure made God cringe and frown. But, not all.

D. L. Moody relates in his book "Heaven" the story of a missionary who was working with two very different women. One was very wealthy but complained all the time about everything. The other lady was bedridden and fairly poor, living in a poor neighborhood in a rundown apartment building. Yet, when the missionary visited she always left feeling much better than when she came. So, the missionary decided it would be a good thing for the wealthy lady to visit the poor lady with her. She tried for weeks to convince her to visit. Finally, the wealthy lady agreed. On arriving at the apartment building, the wealthy lady was appalled at the setting. The missionary only smiled and said, "It's better higher up." Up to the second floor landing and it wasn't much better. "It's better higher up." When they finally arrived and entered the poor woman's apartment, the wealthy lady was disturbed at the poor conditions. Even though the apartment was clean, well furnished, and quite lovely in its peaceful surroundings, it wasn't the splendor with which the wealthy lady was accustomed. She said to the poor lady, "It must be hard for you to be here and suffer."

"Oh, no! I just tell myself it's better higher up!"

Right! No matter what we're going through, it will be better higher up. For the Christian, this world is not home. Our home is Heaven. We're just passing through. See, it is better higher up!

Now, is that a weird view or what?

Mom's latest news

I know, I know, I said the last post was the last one. Well, if you read my status on Facebook, you'll know I said, "We (Myrna and I, Myrna's parents, the Donovans) could use your prayers that we accept the faithfulness of God in the outcome of Myrna's Mom's MRI." We received the response this morning. By all appearances, the lesions in the brain, while not gone, are not growing. Mom has no swelling, contusions, or any other pointers that the lesions are active. So, much praise and thanksgiving is very much in order.

However, Mom and Dad's desire is to remain autonomous and be able to live on their own fully, without the help of others. It appears that those days are over, at least from the Drs perspective. Because she had one seizure, because of the location of the lesions, and because she is still (and will continue to be) on antiseizure medicine, driving is out of the question, even legally speaking. So, what to do now? Options are out there, but dealing with this loss of self-support is devastating to someone who has never, or rarely, depended on others and was actually the support for others for many years. Such good news (good health) tainted by such bad news (no more driving) is strangely confusing.

I believe our prayer is still, "God, how do we accept your faithfulness in the light of this?" Please help us pray that decisions will come in ways that will bless the hearts of Myrna's parents. They could use a good, thorough blessing! Thank you for all your prayers and for your continued support.

Update on Myrna's mother

I know you all have been anxiously watching this blog for new news regarding Myrna's mother. Well, after some very scary moments at the first of the year, life has settled down. Just after the first of the year, Mom was having some real difficulty breathing. Eventually, we rushed her to the new Jessamine County emergency facility, newly opened. They took her fairly quickly into the examination room. If memory serves me right, she was in there for around 4 hours, perhaps even longer. They looked and looked, tested, and finally discovered a huge blood clot on her lung. We found out later it covered the whole left side of one lung. They rushed her (by ambulance) to the hospital. Anyway, to make a long story short, they felt like they caught it in time. However, because of the cancer they didn't feel like they could be real aggressive with treatment. So, they put her on blood thinner and she has continued to improve since then. We are hoping to move them into a progressive care area just across the street from our church. It is called Wesley Village. They would initially move into a duplex which comes equipped with call chains in every room that connects to a nurses station in the nursing home that is on the grounds. They can progress from there to the apartments where they would receive more care with a little less independence. Finally, as needed, they could move to the full nursing home facility. As you pray for us and them, pray that first the doctors reports (April 7) shows that the brain cancer has been rendered either gone or destroyed. Second, pray that God's will would be done. Third, that if it is His will that they be allowed (and fully convinced) they need to make this move and that we are able to pull this off. It is a daunting task. But, I believe it would be the best thing.

The Lord willing, this will be the last update regarding mom except that they have moved into the duplexes. Doctors reports will be coming the first of April and we'll have a better idea of what lies ahead in the immediate future.

Thank you all for your prayers. It has been transformative for me. I know many folks prayed all across this land and possibly around the world. Thank you.