Talk like me!

You know, language is such an odd duck. Especially the English language. You could be in Britain and not understand a word that us poor Americans say. Phooey, you could even be in New York and never understand what a Alabaman says. What is it with the language? How did we get to be this mixed up. I'll tell you how - we're just plain weird!

Here's some more abnormal things people have said. No one can say they haven't heard this: "Y'all come." Yes, I know all about derivatives but this is just kinda strange, don't you think? Are we lazy in speech. Not really. If you talk to a good southerner you'll hear some extra syllables. In fact, you'll almost double the length of a sentence. Give a good northerner the same sentence and they'll say it in half the time. We often say that northerners talk so fast. I don't think so. They just don't add the extra syllables. A northerner will say, "I'm goin' to the store." A southerner will say it like this: "Hey y'all, Iahm going toah th' stoah." Huh?

But the southerners don't have a market on the strange speak. I had a friend in college who would say, "I'm need to 'red' up my room." Eh? He was Pennsylvania Dutch, so that was the reason for the colored statement. Red, rather than a color, meant that he was going to clean up his room. Are you kidding? That was weird in and of itself. A college guy cleaning up his room? Straaaaaange!

There are other oddities from our northern brethren. Anyone ever heard of this one? "Ah pahked mah cah in the Hahvahd yahd." Wazzat? Anyone know what a "drah" is? (It's a drawer in New England.) Don't get me wrong - I love this country. I love the north as well as the south. I even love the left coast. I'm just stating that we shore speak funny here, and that's just plain ...

Weird!

Further proof

Just went to Barnes and Noble in Lexington, KY. Further proof of my original statement. Look at this picture.


Need I say more?

"What not"?

Okay, allow me one weird entry that focuses on a piece of common vernacular. I get frustrated with some words that have appeared on the scene. I don't know where they came from nor why folks use these particular words. I use "cool", "wow", etc. often; that's irritating enough - to hear myself using the same expression over and over. But, this other set of words really begin to irritate me after a while. I heard it from some of my relatives and it seems to be catching on now more and more. Here are the words - "and what not." Man, just typing those words makes me feel frustrated. What's not? Or, what is a not? Or, is there or isn't there a, uh, what?

The best I can find to describe this is found in the profoundly accurate Wikipedia. It states:

• A what-not is a piece of furniture derived from the French étagère, which was exceedingly popular in England in the first three-quarters of the 19th century. It usually consists of slender uprights or pillars, supporting a series of shelves for holding china, ornaments or trifles of any kind, hence the allusive name. In its English form, although a convenient drawing room receptacle, it was rarely beautiful. The early mahogany examples are, however, sometimes graceful in their simplicity. In some parts of the United States, the term what-nots has come to mean the decorative ornaments so displayed.
• What-not is also an English term used to incorporate any other details not mentioned. This term is used much like et cetera to supplement details.

This last point is often what is meant when that term is used. "Then", I want to say, "say, 'and so on', or 'and etc.', or something else. What not just rubs me the absolute wrong way. I nearly have a feeling of revulsion when I hear it. Bleah!

I guess, either I'm weird or those who use that terminology is weird. In any case, it just proves my overall point - people are weird!

More sports shorts

More weirdness. You know how they often pray (or perhaps used to pray) at sporting events. I never quite understood that. How do you pray? They often said that no one would get injured. That's good. But, do you pray to win? Whose side is God on, then? Of course, He's on my side, whosever side that is. See, it doesn't make sense. Weirdness, just plain weirdness.

Modern?

As I walked down the sidewalk with my wife, I pointed out the person in front of us and said, (you guessed it) "See? That's just weird!" I was talking about the "person" in front of us. Note the word "person" in quotes. That's important. It doesn't seem to matter whether they are male or female. Weirdness cuts across all genders, ages, nationalities, and societies. Weirdness is rampant. Yes, even when I look in my own mirror, the guy looking back at me is just a touch weird as well.

Case in point: Have you noticed the plethora of tattoos lately? Athletes seem to take great pleasure in marring their bodies with permanent markers. In fact, the other day I saw a commercial that was about removing the tattoo. What's up with this? WHY does anyone want a tattoo? It used to be reserved for the true "hard" people - bikers, lifers in either the pen or in one of the armed services, or at least the fringe, head-banging, black wearing, really (really, really) weird folks. They said that was "self-expression". Well, if everyone is doing it, where's the self-expression? I mean if everyone is doing it nothing sets you apart that makes you that much of an individual, right? I'm telling you, that's weird.

Think about it, if God would have wanted you to be marked, He would have done it for you. Remember "the good ol' days" when a mole was considered a beauty spot? (I'll never understand that one either.) I was born with a birth mark at my temple (side of my head, in other words). I was embarrassed about that most of my life. With age, it has all but disappeared. I can hardly find it now, but when I was young, it was very prominent. I hated it when people would make comments about it. It made me different. I didn't want to be different. I wanted to be like everyone else, or so I thought. Now, I'm not so sure I want to be like everyone else. I like my skin. Yet, the older I get the more unique marks I get without the aid of any tattoo artist. Just wait, the spots will come and, believe me, no one else has the same spot. You want uniqueness? You want something that marks you as different than anyone else? The spots will come without the things that are associated with tattoos. No risk of infection; no pain; no embarrassment over getting the name spelled wrong or having the wrong name all together.

See, you don't need a tattoo to be weird. Just hang with me. Think like me and that will be plenty weird!